Why don’t eggs tell jokes? Because they’d crack each other up.
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.
Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
What does a lemon say when it answers the phone? Yellow!
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.
Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.
Why did the math book look sad? It had too many problems.
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
How do cows stay up to date? They read the moos-paper.
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
Dad jokes
Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bagels.
I told my wife she should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
Why can’t a leopard hide? Because he’s always spotted.
Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it caught a virus.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
Why did the man put his money in the blender? He wanted liquid assets.
Why was the belt arrested? For holding up a pair of pants.
Corny Jokes
Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All the fans left.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
Why don’t crabs share their food? Because they’re shellfish.
How do you organize a space party? You planet.
Why did the tomato blush? Because it saw the salad dressing.
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know Y.
What do you call a fish wearing a crown? King Neptune.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? It felt crummy.
Why was the broom late? It swept in.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between us, something smells.
Teller of Dad Jokes 7 little words
Why can’t you trust stairs? Because they’re always up to something.
How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut.
Why did the chicken go to the seance? To talk to the other side.
Why can’t your ear be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work.
Why are elevator jokes so good? They work on many levels.
Why don’t vampires go to the beach? They don’t like sunbathing.
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
What kind of key opens a banana? A monkey.
Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two tired.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
How does the ocean say hi? It waves.
Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open.
Why can’t your feet be 12 inches long? Because then they’d be a ruler.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
Why did the barber win the race? He knew all the shortcuts.
Why can’t your legs be 12 inches long? Because then they’d be rulers.
What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener.
Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.
Why was the picture sent to jail? Because it was framed.
Why don’t koalas count as bears? They don’t have the koalafications.
Why did the cow go to space? To see the moooon.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.
Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.
Why do ducks have feathers? To cover their butt quacks.
Why was the music teacher worried? She found herself in treble.
Why can’t your tongue be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
Why did the banana go to the doctor? It wasn’t peeling well.
Why are ghosts bad liars? Because they are too transparent.
What do you call two birds in love? Tweet-hearts.
Why did the fisherman bring a ladder? To catch high tide.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will let it go.
Why did the belt go to jail? For holding up a pair of pants.
Why did the golfer bring an extra shirt? In case he got a hole in one.
What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.
Why did the banana cross the road? Because it split.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
Why don’t fish play basketball? They’re afraid of the net.
Why did the scarecrow get promoted? He was outstanding in his field.
Why did the book join the gym? To get in shape.
What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.
Why did the boy bring a ladder to school? Because he wanted to go to high school.
Why can’t you trust the ocean? It’s a little fishy.
Why did the frog take the bus? His car was toad.
What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dino-snore.
Why was the calendar afraid? Its days were numbered.
What do you call an exploding cheese? Nacho average cheese.
Why did the man run around his bed? He was trying to catch up on his sleep.
Why can’t your arm be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
Why did the crab never share? Because he was shellfish.
What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1.
Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.
Why did the skeleton go to the party alone? He had no body to go with.
Why was the cat afraid of the tree? Because of its bark.
Why did the music teacher go to the principal? She found herself in treble.
Why was the clock shy? It was always second-guessing itself.
What kind of music do mummies like? Wrap music.
Why was the broom tired? It was always sweeping.
Why did the dad sit on the clock? He wanted to be on time.
Why did the dog sit in the shade? Because he didn’t want to be a hot dog.
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